Gains and losses

   2024 was a lot. Truthfully, I’m not even sure where to start, but it has been a whirlwind.

  I suppose it would be best to start with my gains, most importantly I gained a daughter-in-law! In my last post, I mentioned Hayley, The love of Taevin‘s life. They spent the first year of Taevin‘s college experience in Cedar city together, But as their relationship progressed, and there was talk of marriage, they decided to come home and make those future plans a priority. It was fun having Taevin home from college, for the first month or two he was so full of gratitude for the luxuries of home, I guess being on your own for a while makes you realize how good you have it when mom is around. Anyway, they came home at the end of April and Taevin started planning his proposal. Russ and I took him to a local jeweler who was fantastic! Instead of just creating one ring, he made three just for Taevin! He wanted to make sure everything was perfect and that Hayley was getting exactly what she wanted. Taevin strategically planned a beautiful proposal at Hayley’s grandparents house, we all got to be in the background watching as she showed up unsuspecting, she walked the candle-lit path to the gazebo where Taevin was waiting, while Hayley’s mom and I were a mixture of tears and squeals as he got down on one knee. It was such a sweet and tender moment, and we all cheered when she said yes, and picked her perfect ring. 

  The very next day, Becca jumped right into action and started planning the wedding, and I’m glad she knew what she was doing because this was definitely my first rodeo!

  They got married on December 6, 2024 In the Bountiful temple. It was a beautiful ceremony, and there is something so rewarding about watching your little boy make covenants with his wife, and the God you’ve spent your whole life teaching him to love. 

  The reception was held at the Stansbury Park clubhouse by the lake, I organized the luncheon, which I think turned out really well, and Becca did an absolutely beautiful job with the reception. It was a long exhausting day, but to say that they are happy would be a massive understatement! I just love those two and can’t wait to see what their future holds. 

  Now for an update on the rest of the kids. Ryler is a junior, he Is changing from boy to man right before my eyes! He is so fun right now aside from breaking curfew from time to time he is a fantastic kid, he has a very sweet girlfriend named Alice and is in the process of planning for his future. This is such an important time for kids this age, so many big decisions on the horizon and I pray every day that he’ll make the right ones.

  Zoey is 14 & in 8th grade. Just over the last few months she has become very self-aware, she gets up early every morning to make sure she has plenty of time to do her make-up and her gorgeous Rapunzel hair. She is full of attitude, but is always her best self when she is with her friends or taking care of her chickens, she’s a little nervous about high school next year, but she works harder than any of the rest of the kids when it comes to school, so I’m sure she’ll be just fine.

  Aspen is 12 and in 6th grade, she has made a good group of friends and thrives in social situations, she has a lot to say (seriously, she talks so much) but has such a tender heart, she’s planning on attending the new middle school in Stansbury next year and is super excited about it.

  Russ is still rocking his position at Union Pacific, he really hates being on call all of the time but we still agree that it’s better than having two jobs. That guy is such a boss and will stop at nothing to make sure that I am happy, I don’t think there are adequate words to express how grateful I am for that man.

Dan got married last year as well, so a sister-in-law is another thing that I gained. He has been with Mady for a couple of years now and they had a beautiful wedding on September 26th, I don’t talk about Dan much here but I’m grateful for him. There’s something about a sibling relationship that I appreciate so much, he just gets me. I guess when you grow up together, you just understand things that nobody else really does. I wasn’t sure if he’d ever get married, but I’m so glad that he did, Mady is perfect for him and we all love her so much!

  Now for the losses, and this was a tough one. In my last post I talked about my surrogacy journey. We had a successful embryo transfer on December 23, 2023. The pregnancy was going well, and we were all very excited and optimistic, but when we went in for our 14 week appointment, it felt like a bomb had dropped right in the center of that doctors office. There was no heartbeat, the ultrasound revealed that the baby had died around 12 weeks. What transpired from there was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever been through.

  Because there was no sign of miscarriage and it had already been over a week, we opted for a medication that would induce labor. The next morning was March 16, a Saturday. Although devastated,I took the medication early that morning, I started bleeding and cramping, and by noon was in a full induced labor. Just after 2 PM about two minutes before Russ got home from work I delivered the tiniest little baby I had ever seen, he was only about 2” long, but was the most perfectly formed little person in every way. I took a picture just in case his parents would want it, then we gave him a proper burial in my garden next to the roses.

  I assumed at that point that I could start healing, but the blood just kept coming, by about 3:30-4:00, I was starting to feel a bit alarmed and wondered if maybe a trip to the hospital was necessary. It was after 5:00 and Russ was cooking dinner when I felt a huge gush of blood, I ran to the bathroom and called for Russ, I don’t remember much after that because I was in and out of consciousness, but Ryler went to get my neighbor who is a PA, she took one look at me, checked my pulse and had Russ call an ambulance. I remember being super annoyed because I hated the idea of causing a scene in my neighborhood, but they insisted that it was necessary. They had me somewhat stable at the hospital until they decided to give me a medication that I did not respond well to. My heart rate and oxygen level dropped dangerously low, I was shaking violently, gasping for air and was again in and out of consciousness. There were so many people in my room, trying to stabilize me and get my blood transfusions going (I ended up needing 2). I remember looking at Russ as he was talking to the doctor, and there was so much fear in his eyes, for a brief moment I wondered if I would make it out of that and said a little prayer that God wouldn’t take me from my kids just yet. I was desperately trying to call Russ over To give me a blessing, but I was having a hard time even speaking. One of the nurses noticed and brought him to me, he and the doctor were able to give me a blessing before they took me in for a D&C. As they wheeled me into the operating room, I just remember looking forward to being under anesthesia so I could get some rest. 

  The hospital kept me overnight, but I was super anxious to get home the next morning. Gaining my strength back took a while, but I was grateful for the massive amount of support I received from friends. I was pretty clingy with Russ for a while, I hated not having him near and felt so much security when he was by my side, I honestly don’t know what I would do without him.

  Katy and Mac have been incredibly supportive through all of this. They wanted to try again and since I am not one to back out on a promise, I agreed. We waited until July and did another embryo transfer, unfortunately it failed. This whole thing felt so inspired so I didn’t understand why it wasn’t working, but they had one last embryo, so with lots of prayers and faith, we had our last transfer on November 4th, it was a success and I am now 13 weeks along. The trauma of the miscarriage has made me very anxious this time around, but I am cautiously optimistic. I am experiencing all of the normal pregnancy symptoms, which is miserable but reassuring. We are due toward the end of July and I am praying that everything continues to go well.

  As for the rest of 2024, we lost a ton of money, between several major car disasters, and some crazy dental expenses, it was a pretty rough year financially, but we are recovering and looking forward to a much better 2025. 

  It’s crazy what life can throw at you sometimes, and as hard as it can be, we always have a choice. I’ve seen things like this completely destroy a person‘s faith, and I’ve seen others come through trials stronger than ever. I’m trying to choose strength, faith, and resiliency. When you’re humbled in such a way, you learn that your Savior is really all you’ve got. Through it all, He has never left me, and I’ve learned to trust, even when I don’t understand.