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Reflecting

  Just last week I had my six week follow up appointment with my wonderful midwife, as we chatted, she asked me how I felt about my birth experience, and if I had any regrets. I didn't even have to think before answering, of course not, I wouldn't change a thing! 
  That conversation made me start reflecting on the births of all of my children and I wanted to document those feelings so I'll never forget those special moments.
  I remember when I had Taevin, there was so so much anticipation, and as a first time mommy, so much I didn't know, so as most people do, I trusted my doctor and hung on to his every word. I wanted him to deliver my baby so at my last appointment with him, I agreed to an induction on January 16th. It was one day after my due date and he was already on call which guaranteed his presence at my delivery.
  Russ and I went to bed the night before, nervous and excited for the next days event. We got up early and went out for breakfast before heading to the hospital. Upon arrival, they took me to my room, stuck me in one of those horrible and indecent hospital gowns and hooked up the IV, I was so nervous that I threw up my whole breakfast, good thing Russ was there to catch it with one of those barf bowls! The contractions started slowly and progressively got more intense. I learned later that artificial pitocin contractions hurt more that natural ones, but I endured the best that I could.
  I had expressed to the nurse my desire to go natural if possible, but a few hours into it she "checked' me and I was sure I would not survive the pain of that experience, turns out what she was really doing was stripping my membranes and breaking my water, apparently I was not progressing fast enough for them. By the time I had dilated to about a six, I couldn't take it anymore so I broke down and had the epidural, just the thought of that huge needle gives me anxiety! For the rest of my labor, Taevin and I were subject to many unpleasant and unnecessary interventions, but at this point there was no turning back. After about an eight hour labor, I was ready to push, I had specifically requested that nobody be in the room but my doctor, one nurse and my husband, but they disregarded that request and the room flooded with people as I pushed out my sweet baby, I wish that I had been able to focus on that moment rather than the nurse with the hairy chin who was counting to ten and yelling for me to push. I did however manage to capture the look on Russ' face as Taevin's head started to crown, that is one of my most cherished memories of the experience and I'll never forget it! 
  It didn't take long to push him out and as he was placed on my chest, the happiness of seeing my beautiful baby drowned out my disappointment in the hospital experience. They didn't let me hold him for long before the took him from my arms and started unnecessarily poking and prodding at him. Because we forced him to come before he was ready, his APGAR score was low, he was a bit jaundice and had some respiratory problems. Also we had quite a bit of trouble breastfeeding and could never get my milk to come in.
  Well, if you haven't already caught on, I am anti hospital, unless of course I'm actually sick, but that's beside the point. When I finally recovered from my postpartum due to my dissatisfaction with my birth experience, I was on a quest to do it right the next time. Just to clarify, although nobody can give me back the birth of my first child, I wouldn't trade my sweet Taevin for anything, and I would do it all over again if it meant having him.
  Anyway, I did extensive research and decided on a home birth for the next baby. Russ was hesitant, but supportive.
  When I was pregnant with Ryler, we had quite a scare in the beginning, so despite my desire for a home birth, I found myself quite dedicated to the doctor that saved him. He was kind and agreed to do everything in his power to make my birth a good experience, also, our insurance wouldn't cover anything outside of a hospital. I spent much of that pregnancy worried about being at a hospital again, but didn't feel that I had another option.
  Two days before my due date, a miracle in disguise happened, my doctor informed me that he was going out of town and would probably miss my birth, I cried... a lot, I didn't know what to do, but he recommended that I call the birth center. At this point, I didn't even care about the cost, I just wanted to enjoy the birth of my baby, so I called, and the wonderful midwife there (whom I'll always be grateful to) took me in. I went in the next day to meet with her, that was a Thursday, Friday night I went into labor. I woke up Saturday morning with more intense contractions, but I stayed at home. It was so nice being able to labor in the comfort of my own home where I was free to walk around, eat and enjoy my family, and I was surprised at how manageable the contractions were when you're not pinned to a bed and tethered to an IV pole! By about noon, I decided it was time to go. We made with about 45 minutes to spare. I was at a nine when I arrived so I got in the tub. Because I was not drugged, my body instinctively knew when to push, and like Taevin, it didn't take long. Russ caught him and put him on my chest, it was amazing! We brought Taevin in and sat in the tub for awhile and just enjoyed the time as a family, when I was ready, we cut the cord and I handed him to Russ, I got out of the tub, got some pajamas on and we all crawled into bed together. We stayed until that evening and went home to sleep in our own bed that night.
  That experience in my opinion was an act of God, that day I realized even more that He knows us individually and gives us what we need, even when nobody else understands it.
  Well, by the time we got pregnant with Kalei, we didn't even discuss where the birth would take place, we both knew we would have a home birth and I didn't care what anybody else thought about it, I knew that God and Russ supported my decision, and that was good enough for me!
  I won't get into Kalei's birth story since it has already been told, but I will say that I'm grateful to have had another great experience and am so lucky to have three amazing kids!

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