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We didn't have too many plans for the day so we decided to head down to Trader Joe's, I'd been wanting to check it out. I called Dan while we were on our way, he wished me a happy birthday, I asked if dad had gone to work today (he had hurt his back and hadn't been feeling well), he looked out the window and saw that his car was still there and said that he must have called in again, I said I'd call him later.
We got to Trader Joe's and Dan called back just as I was putting Aspen in the cart, he asked me to come over right away, I asked if it was serious, he said "yes, come now", I said "I'm on my way". We hopped back in the car with a knot in my stomach and started driving. Brian called me back a few minutes later and asked where I was and if Russ and the kids were with me, he told me to brace myself and said "dad's gone". I think my heart skipped a beat, I was sobbing and asking what had happened, he didn't know yet. Russ put his hand on my leg and kept saying "I'm so sorry honey", I felt like I couldn't breathe and kept thinking "how am I going to tell the kids?".
Russ dropped me off and took the kids home, I ran in the house, Dan stopped me and said "you can't go downstairs" he came down and hugged me and we cried together.
Since nobody really knew what had happened, the cop said it was considered a crime scene and that the detectives and medical examiner had to come. We all sat on the couch confused, shocked and heart broken. A million things were going through my head but I just kept praying that he was okay, and that God would teach him the things he didn't fully understand here, and help him to heal from the difficult things he went through in life. I wanted nothing more than for him to understand and accept the gospel fully so I could see him again.
Dan called my mom, I could hear her crying and Dan handed me the phone. She left work immediately, went home, packed and booked the next flight out. All I wanted to do was go be with my grandma but the detectives seemed to be taking forever. They kept taking my brothers into different rooms to interview them since they had been there, but nobody would talk to me. Finally I demanded to know what was going on, Dan told them that if they didn't tell me, he would. The detective finally filled me in and offered help for our family.
They finally finished up and said we could go. My grandma called to say happy birthday, I didn't answer, I needed to see her. Brian didn't feel up to going so Dan and I went.
When we got to grandmas house she already knew something was wrong, mothers instinct I suppose. Dan and I cried as I told her, she just held me. We contacted the rest of the family and my uncle came right over and stayed with her for a few days. Dan and I went to the hospital to let his work know then we headed back to my house. we stopped to pick up some dinner but neither of us were really hungry. I had to force myself just to take a few bites of soup. That night I told the kids. hearing Taevin cry had Russ and I sobbing as well, Taevin was so close to him. Russ gave us both a blessing.
The next few days were busy as we planned the funeral, none of it felt real. The morning before the viewing when we went to the mortuary for the family preview, I was so exhausted and frazzled that I had actually forgotton to put on a bra when I got dressed that morning. Luckily I was wearing a cardigan to hide the embarrassment and had time to run to Target to buy a new one.
The viewing and funeral went well. Lots of people that loved my dad showed up to offer support and pay their respects. His boss and long time friend was a pallbearer and a close friend of his from work even asked if she could put a scarf in the casket, as she did she offered a prayer and said she would pray for him for 40 days as part of her Tibetan tradition. My dad had told me that she believed in reincarnation so I knew what she meant when she said to me "he'll be back".
My sweet Taevin cried during the funeral, that was the hardest part for many of us. My Uncle Bob (who is a die hard U of U fan) wore a BYU tie in honor of my dad and gave it to Taevin (he also had one for Ryler) after the funeral. We wrote memories and notes to dad on balloons and released them at the cemetery while playing one of his favorite songs, "America" by Neil Diamond. Just then the clouds parted and the balloons floated up toward the sun, it was beautiful.
We're picking up the pieces and trying to get back to life as usual and although we're going through the motions it still doesn't seem real, I guess it just takes time. I've felt so much love and support from so many people, my family, ward and neighbors have been wonderful and I really do have the best friends in the world, I'm not sure what I'd do without them.
There are no words to describe how amazing Russ has been through all of this, he loved my dad and has been my biggest support. He's held me while I cry, allowed me to vent and be irritable, and has filled in the gaps when I couldn't keep up and not once has he passed judgement or complained about all of the time I've had to spend away making arrangements and putting affairs in order. I love him more than I could ever express and feel blessed every day to have him.
I found Emily today (a doll my dad had given me when I was about 3) and held her for awhile. I've always been a daddy's girl and am lucky to have had such a close relationship with him. I'll always miss him and my kids will miss their "grampanator" but I'll always smile when I see "Harvey" and hear a Neil Diamond song.
"DOUGLAS HATCH WHITNEY"
"Loving Father & Grandfather"
Douglas Hatch Whitney passed away on February 28th 2014 at the age of 57 in West Valley City Utah.
Doug was born to Gordon & Hazel Whitney on September 27th 1956. He spent most of his life in Utah and enjoyed the mountains and the outdoors. His calling in life was caring for others. He was employed at the University of Utah hospital and offered comfort and compassion to everyone he encountered.
Doug enjoyed ping pong, collecting pocket watches, and BYU football although the most important part of Doug’s life was his family. He spent most weekends with his Grandchildren.
He is preceded in death by his father Gordon and his brother Ronnie. He is survived by his mother Hazel, his sister DeAnn & his brothers Roger and Bob Whitney. He is also survived by his children Amy (Russell) Ayres and Brian and Daniel Whitney. He will be missed by all who knew him.
Funeral services will be held at 12 noon on Wednesday, March 5, at the Brighton 4th Ward, 2327 E. Bengal Blvd. (7600 S.) A viewing will be held from 6-8 p.m. on Tuesday, March 4 at the church, as well as 1 hour prior to the services. Please take a moment to share a memory of Doug at www.mountainviewmortuary.com.
I love you.
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