Being a mom can be hard, it feels heavy a lot of the time, and so often I feel like my kids success depends fully on me. They’re older now, I don’t have to chase them around and meet their every need, it certainly isn’t as physically demanding as it used to be, but the mental load can be hard to carry alone.
There are so many emotions that come with older kids, you worry about everything. Do they have good friends? Have I taught them how to function in the world without me? Do they have a testimony? I’m pretty sure dads don’t lie awake at night worrying about these things, but moms do. And the weird part is that the older they get, the more they need the influence of their dads, good friends and other trusted adults. I know my kids love me, but it seems like I am becoming less influential in their lives, and that can be a hard pill to swallow, so I’m always especially grateful when someone steps in and does something that I can’t.
We had an incident the other day that felt like a tragedy, but turned out to be a beautiful, tender mercy that I didn’t even know I needed.
I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, but we have chickens, and I absolutely love them, it’s been so fun to get a little taste of homesteading. Zoey loves them too, maybe even more than I do! That girl isn’t much for sports or dance or really any kind of extracurricular, but she is amazing when it comes to caring for our animals. She loves those birds and considers every one of them a pet, she cleans the coop, makes sure they’re always fed, and even on the coldest most blizzardy days she takes fresh water out so they always have something to drink. Unfortunately the hardest part about having animals is that sometimes they die.
It was a day I had been dreading, but it came last week. A nesting box fell on one of our chickens and killed her, I knew that breaking this news to Zoey was going to be difficult, and sure enough, she was devastated! The tears came immediately and she was inconsolable, the sobbing turned into a full-blown panic attack. I didn’t know what to do or how to calm her down but luckily Taevin came over and saved the day. As someone who has been through these types of struggles he knew exactly what to do, he sat with her for at least 30 minutes, helping her to stabilize her breathing, making sure she was taking a drink once in a while, and talking her through all of it. I sat in complete amazement as I watched my boy show so much compassion, patience, and love. I couldn’t have been more proud in that moment, and by the end of it, he had her watching funny TikTok videos, and smiling.
In that same moment, I walked upstairs and heard Russ having a conversation with Ryler about missions. Ryler has been struggling with the decision of whether or not to go, he has a sweet girlfriend that he’s afraid to leave, and although I pray for him constantly, I know that there’s not much left I can do to influence his decision, so to hear Russ stepping up and sharing some things that will hopefully have a positive impact, just lifted a weight that I’ve been carrying for so long. I walked away so as not to interrupt their moment, and as I sat there standing in my hallway, I felt this overwhelming sense of gratitude and relief in knowing that just maybe I don’t have to do it all.
Many times in my life I have received Divine help in a time of need. Sometimes the help comes from the other side of the veil, and sometimes people are strategically placed in my life to bring blessings, but the other day it was my own family that had my back, and it was exactly what I needed.
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